How to Become “Unhookable”

I love this word – “unhookable”. Maybe it is because I spend so much of my professional and person life helping people and occasionally myself : ) get unhooked.

When we are unhookable – we are able to communicate in a way that people can hear us. We can even say the most difficult things or have differing viewpoints and people can hear us. We can get to the heart of the matter.

How does the “unhookable” leader succeed?  There are two parts:

The first is the ability to use the right words, they are assertive versus passive or aggressive and they use enrolling language.  The language makes it safe to respond and encourages seeking a solution or taking action when appropriate.

The second part is more complex. “Unhookable” or Q Leaders keep emotions and judgement out of the equation and then can access their intuition and insight in their response.  The right words come to them. They are cool, calm and collected.  We call it “dynamic free”. They are able to give an insightful perspective that changes the situation no matter what is going on around them.

When we are “hooked” these options are not available to us even if we know other ways to say things. We are so busy overreacting, defending or trying to suppress our emotion that our ability to ask the right question or respond in a masterful way is unavailable to us.

We can get hooked by things like:

1. A provocative email
2. A poor decision
3. The appearance of hopelessness or helplessness
4. Criticism
5. Other peoples decisions
6. Not being heard
7. The list is endless . . .

In the past most communication programs focused on the “right” words and formulas.  While this is very important the skill is not very helpful if we can’t remember them in the moment or if we do not have the confidence to say what needs to be said.  Eliminating the fears and inhibitors to masterful communication will make us unhookable and allow to access and share insight in ways that people can hear us.

By now there may be some of you that would like to learn, be reminded of or upgrade your skills.  Maybe you would like to be able to have clean communication that takes the situation to a better place. It sure beats dead ends, defensiveness and hard feelings.

I am very excited that such an opportunity is available. Michael Stratford and I are offering a two-day workshop Golden Pathways Retreat and B&B in Peterborough on November 18 and 19th.

Masterful Questions and Leveraging Feedback are two core skills for every leader or business person no matter your role.

We can help you unhook.  Get the rest of the details here http://www.goldenpathways.ca/mq.htm

I look forward to hearing your stories of how you have become unhookable and the amazing results that this brings.

PS: Watch a short 3 minute video and get all the details on this site.  You will know whether this is the workshop for you.

http://www.goldenpathways.ca/mq.htm

Quintessential Leadership

Q Leadership  is proud to present the first 2 elements of their Quintessential Leadership program…Masterful Questions and Leveraging Feedback.

Leaders are required to have answers. Answers for strategy, answers for growth, answers for tough times.  But answers are always a function of the questions being asked.  It’s oft been stated, “If you want better answers ask better questions.”  No one teaches people how to do that, to ask better questions.

But we do. We work with the context that questions are truly born from, the necessary structure that comprises great questions and combine those with subtracting the static interference that has people naturally access not only better questions, but questions that get to the true heart of the matter.  Questions that offer Transformation in transaction.

Leaders and their teams give and receive feedback all the time.  Whether from their customers, their employees, their vendors or the community at large.  It’s incumbent on them to be not only masterful in giving feedback but effective in receiving it.  Leveraging Feedback gives people the framework for giving effective feedback, the mindset to optimally leverage the feedback one is given, and helps subtract the emotional traps and barriers that prevent both.

One can attempt to stay static as a leader, relying on what they’ve already done and already know and still fall behind since the rest of the world is developing, changing and evolving at every minute. Come join Cora Whittington and Michael Stratford for two days as increasing both realms, Masterful Questions and Leveraging Feedback.  There’s much to learn and you may even have some fun in the process.

When: November 18 + 19, 2010

Where: Golden Pathways Retreat, Peterborough ON

More Details and to Register:  http://bit.ly/masterfulq

Phone: 705-745-4006

A personal invitation from Cora Whittington

I am really excited to invite you to an opportunity to help you become more masterful in your communication.

I know that the time frame is short and I also know that there are people seeking exactly what we are offering.  The perfect participant will know that this is what they need and want and the dates will be available to them.

Watch a short 3 minute video and get all the details on this site.  You will know whether this is the workshop for you.

http://www.goldenpathways.ca/mq.htm

Here is just some of what you will get for your ROI

• Masterful questioning skills that get to the heart of the matter
• The end to unproductive communication that wastes time and energy
• A more harmonious and productive workplace where people actually seek feedback
• Reduce interpersonal conflict
• And you will be more calm, confident and patient in your leadership

Here is what you need to know

Date: Oct 28^th and 29^th 2010

Place: Golden Pathways Retreat and B&B Peterborough, ON

Time: 9:00 – 4:30

Special pricing available for groups

http://www.goldenpathways.ca/mq.htm

Are You Playing the Game That UR Built 4?

I would love to have you come play with us…

What You Focus On Expands

Recently I listened to an Abraham CD that suggested a very provocative exercise.  They suggested that you think of two people – one you like and one that you don’t.

Then for the person you like – find several aspects that you don’t like and then for the person you don’t like – find several aspects that you do like.

Abraham suggests that as you continue to do this it won’t be long before you will change how you feel about each person.

You will start to dislike the person you liked. And you will start to like the person you disliked.

Tonight, I listened to Alex Mandossian’s business webinar and he suggested that we focus on Strengthening Strengths. He gave a powerful example which we can translate to all aspects of our career or business.

He said that when he goes to a teacher interview for his children, he asks “What are my child’s strengths?” and talks about these things for 20 minutes. The other things are talked about later.

He said that over the years he has noticed that the teachers then start focusing on the child’s strengths and the child feels so much better about themselves and doing better in school.

I have been teaching this concept for years – I have called it “What You Focus On Expands” - you can click on the following link and see my version of a shift in focus that can change your interpersonal relationships in your family and at work!

What You Focus On Expands Video

Love to hear what you think!

With warmest wishes,

Cora

PS: I only recommend that you only use the part of Abraham’s exercise that finds positive aspects of people

Only 15 days to the launch of the Productivity Upgrade Teleseminar

“F” Stands for…

“F” is an interesting letter.  It is interesting how the poor letter has unintentionally become a symbol of so many things. Not all of them are positive.

While there are several possible articles on the letter “F” – let’s look at “Failure”.  For many of us, an “F” was not a good thing to receive in school, in work or in life.  We all have many examples where people in authority have pointed out our flaws and mistakes.  Just reading about this is probably bringing up some feelings and memories.

My biggest freedom in my life was when I shifted from “F” stands for Failure to “F” standing for Feedback.

Now when someone gives me “Feedback” even if it is rife with judgment or criticism I started looking for the nugget of truth, accept my responsibility for the nugget and automatically become more intentional of what I want. I ignore their delivery or their part in it.  I am not always successful right away but eventually when I shift to this approach, magical things happen.

But to be honest, I don’t get much of that old style criticism anymore.  What I do get is loving, sincere information that helps me get better.

Last week, I put out a video with a very powerful message but a poor delivery.  Part of me knew that and part of me just wanted to play with what would come up if I did something less than perfect.  There is so much that I haven’t done because I wanted it to be perfect. I tried to cover up myself with music and flying in letters.  And it didn’t work.

7  beautiful people sent me e-mails with lists of  suggestions for how I could do it better. And I sooooo appreciate that.  It is interesting to observe my internal response.  There was part of me that wanted to beat myself up for putting something out that was mediocre. Some old stuff was still there.  And there was part of me that was truly OK with it.  And there is a part of me that can’t wait to try some new ideas.

On the day that I did the first video, I created a second one.  It was my second go so I was definitely more animated and present.  I am still working on my recording and technical jitters and playing with different ways of presenting. I did however create it without the distracting music and fonts. (Thanks friends )

Should I have posted the mediocre video – maybe not or maybe… it was the perfect thing to do.  Sometimes our “screw-ups” are perfect.  I have seen so many times in my life and clients when that less than perfect situation became perfect.  My coaching teachers Wendy Down, Michael Stratford, and Tom Stone taught me something very important. They told me that it was not up to me to judge whether something was right or wrong, good or bad, perfect or imperfect.

Sometimes it is the imperfections that teach us the most.

This video is going to be released in tomorrow’s blog – but you can watch it today if you are inspired! (see below)

Remember to register for the productivity upgrade teleseminar series where we will learn much more about all of this.

http://www.unravelthemysterynow.com

Wishing you a wondrous life,

Cora

How can you have more meaningful moments today?

Answer: Look at the world through soft eyes.

 There is an eastern wisdom that asks us to look at the world through soft eyes. In contrast, look at something with hard eyes. Notice your eyes squint, your forehead tighten and your brow furrow. Feel the judgement in your body.

 Each moment is an opportunity for a new beginning.

Some situations create tension. Negative emotions may rise to the surface. Seeing through soft eyes does not mean that you pretend the negative feelings are not there. With your growing mindfulness, you will be more aware of the tension and its location in your body. Be with the feeling. With awareness, choose to understand the people in the situation that creates the tension.

See with understanding and compassion.

Seeing through soft eyes means seeing with understanding and compassion. It is a starting place for customer care, conflict resolution and other interpersonal interactions. Energy in the workplace would be focused on the work to be done rather than on the issues to be resolved.

 

Now look at it with soft eyes. Your face will relax. Notice the difference in your body and your attitude.

Cora remembers an experience at age nineteen when she was working in L’Arche, France. She says, “I remember to this day, Jean Vanier’s eyes. It didn’t matter who he was talking to or what about, you could feel his love radiating through his eyes.”

 

 

We wish you a day of understanding and compassion through soft eyes. Please share your stories with us.

Are You The Kind Of Person That Every Team Wants?

REGAINING YOUR ENTHUSIASM WITH POSITIVE RESULTS

 

Recently, I had a client lament that since he had decided that he was going to look for a new job, he found it difficult to be enthusiastic and committed to his current job.

 

Another client was complaining about everyone else on the team.

 

Still another client blamed the system and the boss for his situation.

 

Whether you have one foot out the door, are discouraged in your current position or just doing your job without commitment– being blasé or constantly critical can be a dangerous mistake.

 

In fact, what we focus on is what we get!  What you give attention to is what grows and expands.   When you give attention to the things around you that makes you feel bad, you tend to draw to you more “feel bad” things.  In other words, you continue to feel more of what you have projected out there.  

 

On the other hand, when you give attention to something that makes you feel good … you will tend to find more feel good kind of things.  

 

Since what you attract is based on how you are feeling, then it is very important that you feel good. Notice the things around you that make you feel good.  It is easier and much more effective to attract a perfect new job when you are feeling good in your current job.  Likewise, you are more likely to attract a positive team or an interesting project when you are the kind of person every team wants.

 

What can you do if you are not feeling good at the moment?  How can you shift those feelings?  In other words – how can you stop being hooked by everything and everyone that is going on around you?  The exercise below will guide that process for you:

·       Shift from noticing what is going on to what you want

·       Make a list of qualities that you admire in team players.  Your wish list for what you wish every body else was exhibiting.

·       Then look at the list and rate yourself – 1-10 for each quality

·       Commit to upgrading your low scores.

Here is a list of examples:

·       Enthusiasm

·       Communication

·       Preparation

·       Commitment

·       Dependent

·       Self-Improving

·       Competent

·       Adaptable

·       Solution oriented

·       Intentional

 

You may be surprised at how things will change for you.  Even in a less than desirable environment – you will notice a change in how you feel. I guarantee it.

 

Are You a Dream Team Coach?

Whether you are an avid Super Bowl Fan or not – we can all learn from an all star coach.

 

Too often, we expect specific results from our team and then get disappointed.

 

Let’s examine how a Dream Team Coach operates.

 

Every good coach works with a game plan.  It is not only an individual plan but a team plan and a long term plan.  And the coach reminds people of the game plan.

 

The coach:

1. Tells the player what is expected of them – how they fit into the game plan and what they should try to do.

 

2. Gives them opportunity to perform – in other words – Give them room to be good.

 

3. Lets them know how they are getting along – this gives them the opportunity to learn, improve and increase their contribution.

 

4. Instruct them when they need it – this gives them the means to learn, improve and increase their contribution.

 

5. Reward them.  This gives incentive for their effort.

 

A Dream Team Coach Takes the Time to Huddle 

When a team huddles, it recalls the game plan and how it is to be implemented.  It is an opportunity to listen, possibly make personnel changes, make play changes and to rest. When there is no huddle there is confusion and less than optimal performance.

 

Every dream team needs to huddle

 

Creating a dream team is a process.  Enjoy every step, and apply the principles of a dream team coach.